I have a 14 month old. She's pretty fabulous and in my eyes everything she does is amazing. Yes, I'm bias but when it's your kid you are in awe that you have have managed to not only grow a human but not totally F them up in the process.
So since she was born we have gone through a series of "wonder weeks". According to the internet these are weeks when brain connections and skills develop and you child becomes an sleep terrorist spawn of Satan.
This week's "wonder week" is brought to you by the skill, walking. I say that as I roll my eyes and pray that sometime in the near future she decides to stop terrorizing my husband and go to sleep. Already we have both tried to get her down for the night and she has decided squealing and running around are far more important at 10:15pm.
So a wonder week leaves me wondering, WTF is going on in my child's head when she becomes so tuned in to her environment that she can't settle for more than a few seconds. It's exhausting for me and I imagine she's beside herself.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Abstinence from Abstinence: Day 3
Oops we failed.
After a long week at work and a baby who has decided that sleep can only be done in the most perfect of cradled arms and suckling a breast with an endless supply of milk, I fell asleep in front of the TV. I mean drooling on my hand asleep. So asleep that when I woke up in the morning I don't remember how I got to the bed and I wasn't even drinking.
I did try to stay up but got bored waiting for my husband to finish his Skype call and come play with me. So I blame him for not helping me keep up my end of the Lent deal. He of course says he tried but I raised and eyebrow and ask exactly how did I respond in my half-awake stupor?
So we are not complete failures because, in my husbands words, "even a job will allow for a 90% success rate therefore we can miss 4 nights of nookie and still pass." I wonder WWJD HA!
I did try to stay up but got bored waiting for my husband to finish his Skype call and come play with me. So I blame him for not helping me keep up my end of the Lent deal. He of course says he tried but I raised and eyebrow and ask exactly how did I respond in my half-awake stupor?
So we are not complete failures because, in my husbands words, "even a job will allow for a 90% success rate therefore we can miss 4 nights of nookie and still pass." I wonder WWJD HA!
Abstinence from Abstinence: Day 2
Day 2 was much less fanfare. I didn't stress about it quite so much during the day and when the baby was asleep and it was time I cracked a few jokes and ended up getting into the swing of things.
Sex is a funny thing depending on your relationship status. Before you leave a nasty message I only speak from experience and what I have read and heard from friends. When you're single or just starting a relationship you obsess about sex and the next time you can be with that special someone. Once you've been in a relationship for a while, maybe even thrown kids into the mix, sex isn't nearly as important as quality conversation or a good laugh. Poor sex, which is pretty vital for a relationship, becomes second fiddle and if you don't use it, you lose it. The less sex you have the less sex you want and down the wormhole you go to unintentional abstinence, where my husband and I were headed.
So it's only day two but already I'm settling into the cycle of inviting sex back into my relationship on a more regular basis. Sex should be like pretty jewelry or fine china, use it everyday and enjoy it, you can't take it to the grave.
Sex is a funny thing depending on your relationship status. Before you leave a nasty message I only speak from experience and what I have read and heard from friends. When you're single or just starting a relationship you obsess about sex and the next time you can be with that special someone. Once you've been in a relationship for a while, maybe even thrown kids into the mix, sex isn't nearly as important as quality conversation or a good laugh. Poor sex, which is pretty vital for a relationship, becomes second fiddle and if you don't use it, you lose it. The less sex you have the less sex you want and down the wormhole you go to unintentional abstinence, where my husband and I were headed.
So it's only day two but already I'm settling into the cycle of inviting sex back into my relationship on a more regular basis. Sex should be like pretty jewelry or fine china, use it everyday and enjoy it, you can't take it to the grave.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Abstinence from Abstinence: Day 1
I have made the vow and because I'm stubborn beyond belief I am going to stick to this no matter what. So all day yesterday I mentally prepared myself like I was going to take an exam or do something mayor.
On a side-note: I love my husband. I think he is sexy and handsome and he just so happens to be rather good in bed. Yes, sometimes I think he snores too loudly or acts like a tit if he's had a few too many beers but I could not ask for a more wonderful man. That said, being chronically tired, constantly touched by a baby, and not 100% happy with my motherly body my sex tap has turned to an almost off position. I'm, in essence, working on a slow trickle of mojo.
To prepare myself I did everything not to over think the pending doom, I mean sex. At the 11th hour, after a glass of red wine, we climbed into bed. I had a few nervous giggles, cracked a joke about being a born-again virgin and then had a chat about how to keep it interesting. I may have been stalling a little but we had a nice chat and even checked out a few "toys" on www.adamandeve.com. Finally at 11:35pm I said, "Ok, let's do this Howard. Quickie, ok?"
… (I'll skip the unnecessary details)
What I will share is that what was supposed to be a quickie turned into a medium-ie and even though it was in essence mandatory, we had a fun time. The baby didn't wake up, we both had fun, and amazingly I am looking forward to day 2 with cheeky excitement.
Abstinence from Abstinence: 40 days of sex
On Fat Tuesday my husband and I, who are far from religious, were joking around about what we were going to give up for lent. I mentioned sugar, and my husband had a good laugh. He mentioned alcohol and I nearly wet my pants. Then as a total joke I said I would abstain from abstaining. After the words had left my mouth I immediately wanted to retract them. I had a baby 10 months ago so sex has not been a top priority on our list recently and the running joke has been that I have become abstinent to prevent the risk of brining another sleep terrorist into this world. Also try finding some peaceful alone time when the baby not only sleeps in our room but often times tricks us into co-sleeping half way through the night. We love our sleep so if we have quiet time with a sleeping child we choose sleep over sex, it's a sanity issue.
Before you feel too bad for my husband I have had slip-ups every few weeks in my vow of abstinence, I would make a terrible nun, so his forced abstinence hasn't been total cruel and unusual punishment. Once in a while the kid will sleep in, and after I have checked that she is still breathing we will have a quick and quiet romp between the sheet. Other times we will put her to bed and have a dangerously slippery quickie in the shower. Once we even did it in the closet because we could close two doors and risk making a little noise. But sex with a baby monitor nearby is far from romantic. So the idea of 40 days of regular sex not only means we have to get creative to keep it interesting but we also have to strategize how to avoid waking the baby. We accept the challenge and you will get the read the comedy as it ensues and I hope to the powers that be that we don't accidentally make another little person.
Monday, December 2, 2013
Baby and the home practice
I'll admit it, I naturally tend towards lazy. If I have the option to sit on the sofa and watch some mindless TV or go run a mile you will bet your behind you'll find me glued to the latest episode of whatever TV show I am marathon watching.
Now this was fine and dandy before baby because I could get my exercise in any time I wanted. In fact, I could do anything I wanted at any time and it was bliss. Flash forward six months post baby and both my husband and I are working and we have a nanny. I know, I know, first world problems but I'm going somewhere with this so hear me out. These days if I want to go to a yoga class I have to wait for my husband to get home, which isn't until late and usually after normal classes, or I have to pay the nanny for an extra 2 hours which costs more than the yoga class and makes attending a class at a studio something extravagant.
Since I love yoga and need it to stay sane for my kiddo I have cultivated a home practice. This home practice is a little different than my regular practice. Sometimes it includes a playful baby, sometimes the TV is on and I'm practicing away in the middle of the living room, sometimes I do a few stretches and some breath work and call it a day. Whatever the practice I am loving that I now have a true home practice. I may have been forced into it by family obligations but it was just the kick in the pants I needed to show me how much I value my time on the mat. Also the distractions are great way to learn how to withdraw from things that 6 months ago would have annoyed me. I can now move blissfully through a 30 minute practice with all sorts of noise and I remain calm and focussed.
Here's how I managed it.
I rolled out my mat. In fact, I left my mat rolled out and when I wasn't practicing I put the kid on it as a padded tummy time area and usually end up doing a few poses over here. She loves when I look at her upside down from down dog.
I committed to moving and breathing for 15 minutes. This usually turned into 30 minutes because it takes time to do the poses I enjoy and a few that I actually need.
I challenge myself with at least one hard poses that I don't particularly enjoy, my body usually needs these the most.
I breath and breath and breath and off the mat this comes into play when the little one is losing her mind and I could fly off the handle and react but instead I draw from my practice and breath. It's amazing how quickly she responds to my calm breath.
I joined yogaglo and do 30 minute classes. I know it's not a 90 minute studio practice but I warm up and stretch out and find calm being led by an experienced teacher. Plus I get more of a challenge than if I'm guiding myself.
I sometimes practice with the baby and involve her in the poses. It's great to have the extra weight when I'm in warrior poses and she loves that I'm "playing" with her.
So don't get discouraged that you can't get to a yoga class like you used to. Get creative and find ways that fit yoga into your schedule. You don't have to have a perfect environment just space for your mat and 15-30 minutes move and breath. Everyone will benefit and you'll feel much more able to deal with your busy life.
Go forth and practice!
Now this was fine and dandy before baby because I could get my exercise in any time I wanted. In fact, I could do anything I wanted at any time and it was bliss. Flash forward six months post baby and both my husband and I are working and we have a nanny. I know, I know, first world problems but I'm going somewhere with this so hear me out. These days if I want to go to a yoga class I have to wait for my husband to get home, which isn't until late and usually after normal classes, or I have to pay the nanny for an extra 2 hours which costs more than the yoga class and makes attending a class at a studio something extravagant.
Since I love yoga and need it to stay sane for my kiddo I have cultivated a home practice. This home practice is a little different than my regular practice. Sometimes it includes a playful baby, sometimes the TV is on and I'm practicing away in the middle of the living room, sometimes I do a few stretches and some breath work and call it a day. Whatever the practice I am loving that I now have a true home practice. I may have been forced into it by family obligations but it was just the kick in the pants I needed to show me how much I value my time on the mat. Also the distractions are great way to learn how to withdraw from things that 6 months ago would have annoyed me. I can now move blissfully through a 30 minute practice with all sorts of noise and I remain calm and focussed.
Here's how I managed it.
I rolled out my mat. In fact, I left my mat rolled out and when I wasn't practicing I put the kid on it as a padded tummy time area and usually end up doing a few poses over here. She loves when I look at her upside down from down dog.
I committed to moving and breathing for 15 minutes. This usually turned into 30 minutes because it takes time to do the poses I enjoy and a few that I actually need.
I challenge myself with at least one hard poses that I don't particularly enjoy, my body usually needs these the most.
I breath and breath and breath and off the mat this comes into play when the little one is losing her mind and I could fly off the handle and react but instead I draw from my practice and breath. It's amazing how quickly she responds to my calm breath.
I joined yogaglo and do 30 minute classes. I know it's not a 90 minute studio practice but I warm up and stretch out and find calm being led by an experienced teacher. Plus I get more of a challenge than if I'm guiding myself.
I sometimes practice with the baby and involve her in the poses. It's great to have the extra weight when I'm in warrior poses and she loves that I'm "playing" with her.
So don't get discouraged that you can't get to a yoga class like you used to. Get creative and find ways that fit yoga into your schedule. You don't have to have a perfect environment just space for your mat and 15-30 minutes move and breath. Everyone will benefit and you'll feel much more able to deal with your busy life.
Go forth and practice!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Today I divorced my husband 4 times
And as I write this I am in the process of divorcing him for the 6th time just because I'm emotionally worked up.
I find going through internal divorces to be very healthy and cleansing. These divorces may or may not have been spurred by a 6 month old child who ultimately took 2 hours to go to sleep tonight. In fact possibly I divorced my child as well.
So I divorced my husband for the first time this morning when I woke up and made the mistake of checking Facebook before doing anything else. Actually back to up to 4am when our child work up and needed a feed. Yes, that is the point that the first divorce happened. I divorced him because he doesn't have breasts to feed our child and I had to be the one to wake up and feed her.
The second time was when I work up. As I said, I checked Facebook and the world of overachievers slapped me straight in the face. So if the first few minutes I was awake I decided I needed to write a daily blog, write a book, make short inspirational yoga videos, buy an inspiration book to help with the aforementioned, go back to school or a masters degree, lose 10lbs, become a better yoga teacher. My god, I'm tired just reading this. So when I looked over at my husband blissfully sleeping I divorced him for having his life together and knowing what he wants to go and actually working toward it instead of letting Facebook make him feel like an underachieving failure.
I hope you're starting to get the idea that these internal divorces are best keep internal and that I may be divorcing egotistical self more than anything. Anyway let the divorces continue.
So finally my husband rolls out of bed after I have become inspired and hit rock bottom all in the matter of about 2 hours. We have a lovely morning and I decide to remarry him a few times. I leave the two of them together for 2 hours while I observe a yoga class. Go me! A step in the right direction of my early morning goals.
After that I decide to go visit a friend to give her some baby time. I leave the husband at home to work towards his dreams. Before I go I express the wish to attend a yoga class in a few hours. Secretly I am taking the kid out so that I don't feel guilty having left her with him in the morning and that I will be leaving her with him again to go to yoga. Jesus where is this shame coming from.
After yoga I come home sweaty, hungry and tired. BAD COMBINATION for me. So I immediately divorce him for the 3rd time for relaxing at home. How quickly I forget he just kindly watched the little one while I went to yoga.
The 4th and 5th divorces were the worst and may have slipped from internal to external a bit. In the process of putting/fighting the kid to sleep I went through the 5 steps of divorce (formerly known as 5 steps of grief) in the matter of about an hour. I went thought the following:
1) denial: I can't believe my husband isn't up here helping me put the little one to sleep.
2) ager: If that man opens the door and asks if I'm ok I'm going to go mental because I can do this on my own.
3) bargaining: If this kid will go to sleep I promise that I will rekindle the relationship with her father.
4) depression: I'm the worst wife and mother ever. I can't even get my kid to sleep and why isn't her father here to help us.
5) acceptance: Well it's over, he didn't help in my time of needs so I don't need him anymore.
The 5th divorce, the one that became external was the one where I never get the house to myself and so in order to relax I have to go to yoga, friend's house or somewhere outside of my home to get away from a child who needs my attention. Yes, my husband is incredibly attentive and a wonderful father but sometimes you just need peace and quiet in your own home to unwind. Recently I realized that in the 6 months since my child was born I had only had a few hours to myself in the home when no one was home. This is the divorce that slipped from petty irrational internal divorce to telling my husband that sometimes he needs to just take the kid and Get the F Out so I can breathe and relax.
So the moral of my crazy story is that sometimes you just need 'you time' in your own home and by making sure that you're getting that time you can avoid a lot of unnecessary internal divorces. Where my yoga practice comes into play is when I was in the depths of my divorces. I looked at how worked up I was and I took some deep breaths, closed my eyes, withdrew my senses and listened to what all my irrational thoughts were really trying to say. And they were saying STOP, get quiet, settle into your nest and replenish yourself so you can stop being crazy. This post has been cathartic and enlightening and a great practice in finding clarity.
Also note that in the midst of my 'moment' I kept reminding myself how wonderful my husband was. He watched the little one while I went to two yoga classes today, he plays with her to the point that she is in a fit of giggles, he made a delicious dinner and ended up cleaning up as well, he tells me how wonderful I am and that I'm a great mom, he still thinks I'm sexy even though I have some wobbly bits, he listened as I basically told him he has to come home from work tomorrow, take the kid and leave so I can have veg out me time. He's pretty much perfect and going through all the stuff I go through just much more peacefully.
I find going through internal divorces to be very healthy and cleansing. These divorces may or may not have been spurred by a 6 month old child who ultimately took 2 hours to go to sleep tonight. In fact possibly I divorced my child as well.
So I divorced my husband for the first time this morning when I woke up and made the mistake of checking Facebook before doing anything else. Actually back to up to 4am when our child work up and needed a feed. Yes, that is the point that the first divorce happened. I divorced him because he doesn't have breasts to feed our child and I had to be the one to wake up and feed her.
The second time was when I work up. As I said, I checked Facebook and the world of overachievers slapped me straight in the face. So if the first few minutes I was awake I decided I needed to write a daily blog, write a book, make short inspirational yoga videos, buy an inspiration book to help with the aforementioned, go back to school or a masters degree, lose 10lbs, become a better yoga teacher. My god, I'm tired just reading this. So when I looked over at my husband blissfully sleeping I divorced him for having his life together and knowing what he wants to go and actually working toward it instead of letting Facebook make him feel like an underachieving failure.
I hope you're starting to get the idea that these internal divorces are best keep internal and that I may be divorcing egotistical self more than anything. Anyway let the divorces continue.
So finally my husband rolls out of bed after I have become inspired and hit rock bottom all in the matter of about 2 hours. We have a lovely morning and I decide to remarry him a few times. I leave the two of them together for 2 hours while I observe a yoga class. Go me! A step in the right direction of my early morning goals.
After that I decide to go visit a friend to give her some baby time. I leave the husband at home to work towards his dreams. Before I go I express the wish to attend a yoga class in a few hours. Secretly I am taking the kid out so that I don't feel guilty having left her with him in the morning and that I will be leaving her with him again to go to yoga. Jesus where is this shame coming from.
After yoga I come home sweaty, hungry and tired. BAD COMBINATION for me. So I immediately divorce him for the 3rd time for relaxing at home. How quickly I forget he just kindly watched the little one while I went to yoga.
The 4th and 5th divorces were the worst and may have slipped from internal to external a bit. In the process of putting/fighting the kid to sleep I went through the 5 steps of divorce (formerly known as 5 steps of grief) in the matter of about an hour. I went thought the following:
1) denial: I can't believe my husband isn't up here helping me put the little one to sleep.
2) ager: If that man opens the door and asks if I'm ok I'm going to go mental because I can do this on my own.
3) bargaining: If this kid will go to sleep I promise that I will rekindle the relationship with her father.
4) depression: I'm the worst wife and mother ever. I can't even get my kid to sleep and why isn't her father here to help us.
5) acceptance: Well it's over, he didn't help in my time of needs so I don't need him anymore.
The 5th divorce, the one that became external was the one where I never get the house to myself and so in order to relax I have to go to yoga, friend's house or somewhere outside of my home to get away from a child who needs my attention. Yes, my husband is incredibly attentive and a wonderful father but sometimes you just need peace and quiet in your own home to unwind. Recently I realized that in the 6 months since my child was born I had only had a few hours to myself in the home when no one was home. This is the divorce that slipped from petty irrational internal divorce to telling my husband that sometimes he needs to just take the kid and Get the F Out so I can breathe and relax.
So the moral of my crazy story is that sometimes you just need 'you time' in your own home and by making sure that you're getting that time you can avoid a lot of unnecessary internal divorces. Where my yoga practice comes into play is when I was in the depths of my divorces. I looked at how worked up I was and I took some deep breaths, closed my eyes, withdrew my senses and listened to what all my irrational thoughts were really trying to say. And they were saying STOP, get quiet, settle into your nest and replenish yourself so you can stop being crazy. This post has been cathartic and enlightening and a great practice in finding clarity.
Also note that in the midst of my 'moment' I kept reminding myself how wonderful my husband was. He watched the little one while I went to two yoga classes today, he plays with her to the point that she is in a fit of giggles, he made a delicious dinner and ended up cleaning up as well, he tells me how wonderful I am and that I'm a great mom, he still thinks I'm sexy even though I have some wobbly bits, he listened as I basically told him he has to come home from work tomorrow, take the kid and leave so I can have veg out me time. He's pretty much perfect and going through all the stuff I go through just much more peacefully.
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