Wonder Weeks…I Wonder WTF is Going on

I have a 14 month old. She's pretty fabulous and in my eyes everything she does is amazing. Yes, I'm bias but when it's your kid you are in awe that you have have managed to not only grow a human but not totally F them up in the process.
So since she was born we have gone through a series of "wonder weeks". According to the internet these are weeks when brain connections and skills develop and you child becomes an sleep terrorist spawn of Satan.
This week's "wonder week" is brought to you by the skill, walking. I say that as I roll my eyes and pray that sometime in the near future she decides to stop terrorizing my husband and go to sleep. Already we have both tried to get her down for the night and she has decided squealing and running around are far more important at 10:15pm.
So a wonder week leaves me wondering, WTF is going on in my child's head when she becomes so tuned in to her environment that she can't settle for more than a few seconds. It's exhausting for me and I imagine she's beside herself.

Abstinence from Abstinence: Day 3

Oops we failed.

After a long week at work and a baby who has decided that sleep can only be done in the most perfect of cradled arms and suckling a breast with an endless supply of milk, I fell asleep in front of the TV. I mean drooling on my hand asleep. So asleep that when I woke up in the morning I don't remember how I got to the bed and I wasn't even drinking.

I did try to stay up but got bored waiting for my husband to finish his Skype call and come play with me. So I blame him for not helping me keep up my end of the Lent deal. He of course says he tried but I raised and eyebrow and ask exactly how did I respond in my half-awake stupor?

So we are not complete failures because, in my husbands words, "even a job will allow for a 90% success rate therefore we can miss 4 nights of nookie and still pass." I wonder WWJD HA!

Abstinence from Abstinence: Day 2

Day 2 was much less fanfare. I didn't stress about it quite so much during the day and when the baby was asleep and it was time I cracked a few jokes and ended up getting into the swing of things.

Sex is a funny thing depending on your relationship status. Before you leave a nasty message I only speak from experience and what I have read and heard from friends. When you're single or just starting a relationship you obsess about sex and the next time you can be with that special someone. Once you've been in a relationship for a while, maybe even thrown kids into the mix, sex isn't nearly as important as quality conversation or a good laugh. Poor sex, which is pretty vital for a relationship, becomes second fiddle and if you don't use it, you lose it. The less sex you have the less sex you want and down the wormhole you go to unintentional abstinence, where my husband and I were headed.

So it's only day two but already I'm settling into the cycle of inviting sex back into my relationship on a more regular basis. Sex should be like pretty jewelry or fine china, use it everyday and enjoy it, you can't take it to the grave.

Abstinence from Abstinence: Day 1

I have made the vow and because I'm stubborn beyond belief I am going to stick to this no matter what. So all day yesterday I mentally prepared myself like I was going to take an exam or do something mayor.

On a side-note: I love my husband. I think he is sexy and handsome and he just so happens to be rather good in bed. Yes, sometimes I think he snores too loudly or acts like a tit if he's had a few too many beers but I could not ask for a more wonderful man. That said, being chronically tired, constantly touched by a baby, and not 100% happy with my motherly body my sex tap has turned to an almost off position. I'm, in essence, working on a slow trickle of mojo. 

To prepare myself I did everything not to over think the pending doom, I mean sex. At the 11th hour, after a glass of red wine, we climbed into bed. I had a few nervous giggles, cracked a joke about being a born-again virgin and then had a chat about how to keep it interesting. I may have been stalling a little but we had a nice chat and even checked out a few "toys" on www.adamandeve.com. Finally at 11:35pm I said, "Ok, let's do this Howard. Quickie, ok?"

… (I'll skip the unnecessary details)

What I will share is that what was supposed to be a quickie turned into a medium-ie and even though it was in essence mandatory, we had a fun time. The baby didn't wake up, we both had fun, and amazingly I am looking forward to day 2 with cheeky excitement. 

Abstinence from Abstinence: 40 days of sex

On Fat Tuesday my husband and I, who are far from religious, were joking around about what we were going to give up for lent. I mentioned sugar, and my husband had a good laugh. He mentioned alcohol and I nearly wet my pants. Then as a total joke I said I would abstain from abstaining. After the words had left my mouth I immediately wanted to retract them. I had a baby 10 months ago so sex has not been a top priority on our list recently and the running joke has been that I have become abstinent to prevent the risk of brining another sleep terrorist into this world. Also try finding some peaceful alone time when the baby not only sleeps in our room but often times tricks us into co-sleeping half way through the night. We love our sleep so if we have quiet time with a sleeping child we choose sleep over sex, it's a sanity issue. 

Before you feel too bad for my husband I have had slip-ups every few weeks in my vow of abstinence, I would make a terrible nun, so his forced abstinence hasn't been total cruel and unusual punishment. Once in a while the kid will sleep in, and after I have checked that she is still breathing we will have a quick and quiet romp between the sheet. Other times we will put her to bed and have a dangerously slippery quickie in the shower. Once we even did it in the closet because we could close two doors and risk making a little noise. But sex with a baby monitor nearby is far from romantic. So the idea of 40 days of regular sex not only means we have to get creative to keep it interesting but we also have to strategize how to avoid waking the baby. We accept the challenge and you will get the read the comedy as it ensues and I hope to the powers that be that we don't accidentally make another little person.