So four months ago I gave birth to my adorable little girl. It was a profound experience and I am happy and proud to say that I experienced every moment of it naturally. Before you think I'm getting on my high horse to preach that I managed to do it unmedicated I want to say that without my doula or husband I would have taken the drugs and I am not afraid to admit that there was a period of time during transition that I begged every person in the room for "something to take the edge off so that I can take a nap". I think deep down I knew that a nap wasn't in the cards but I was so tired that I just assumed they could knock me out for a bit and then wake me up to push in a few hours. Wishful thinking!
Anyway, the post isn't about labor and birth. This post is about what happens after birth. The stuff they seem to omit in all of my prenatal classes, birthing classes, breastfeeding classes, baby 101 classes, you get the idea. There is this 3-5 day window where they forget to talk about what your body is going to feel like. I'm guessing they think that the sudden change in becoming a parent will make you forget what your body has been through but I would like to share so that you aren't caught off guard.
These experiences are through the eyes of a vaginal birth, I didn't have a c-section so I can't speak to that.
First off if this is your first child you may have just experienced a very long labor and you are beyond tired. Think weepy sleepy like a young child. You're so full of adrenaline and hormones that it may a few days to rest properly, plus you will spend at least 2 days in the hospital and although the nurses can be wonderful, they will come in to check up on you and the baby many many times. So...
1) OMG are you tired
Secondly you have just pushed a baby through a passage that has not seen the likes of a baby's head ever so your vagina is reeling from the experience and now so swollen and tender that if you're walking like you have spent the better part of your life on the back of a horse. To add insult to injury you have sporting a pad the size of a small country and the kind nurses are packing you with ice because you're having a period to make up for 9 months you have gone without. So that horse you look like you have been riding is as wide as Texas.
2) OUCH you're swollen
Now at some point around 12-24 hours after you have given birth to this bundle of joy the nurses will start talking about pooping. And you will look at these nurses like they have grown a second head and are most definitely high. You will probably feel like telling them that you don't ever plan on pushing anything out of your body from that area ever again and they can kindly sew it shut along with the other parts because the business end of your body has shut its doors for good. My recommendation, take the stool softeners and 800mg Motrin (or something stronger) and just wait patiently. For the love of God do not push or strain.
3) You DOODOO double duty
Let us not forget the gorgeous child that is needing you to care for it and love it and hold it and feed it and change its diaper and all that other stuff that being a mom entails even when you feel like you've been steamrolled. It is ok to look at that child and feel so overwhelmed with emotions that you just want to turn away, close your eyes and block everything out until you can deal with the enormity of what has just happened. No one deals with big change easily let alone when you're hormones are going crazy and you're dead tired. Look at little kids who haven't had enough sleep and how they have complete meltdowns and their world has not just been turned upside down. So go ahead and cry, sob, whimper, squeeze your eyes shut and take a moment or ten to regroup. There should be some awesome nurses who will not judge if you need to send the baby to the nursery. There is plenty of time to be supermom in the future right now healing yourself and wrapping your mind around the situation and SLEEP will put you in the right mindset so that you can begin to get to know this amazing gift.
4) You're NUMBER 1
When you get home from the hospital take plenty of alone time with just you, the baby and your partner. Family will want to help and go ahead and let them but don't feel bad if you feel all of a sudden moody and crabby and need to kick everyone out. Like #4 you're number one and if you are feeling on edge your baby will be on edge and that's a recipe for sleepless disaster so kick out the family, shut the door, hold your baby and tune everything else out.
5) It's YOU, PARTNER and BABY
So that pretty much sums up the stuff they "forget" to tell you in the classes and book. Here's what to have in your freshly home from the hospital bag
- Absorbant feminine pads
- Witch hazel for swelling and cleaning
- Tucks medicated pads for cooling and soothing (these things are even better if cooled in the fridge)
- Advil/Motrin/Ibuprofen (have lots on hand)
- Natural stool softeners
- Breast pads (I like the thin Medela disposables)
- A good sense of humor because nothing really works quite right in you, your partner or your baby for the first couple of weeks
If you're reading this you may be pregnant and nervous. Your body is amazing and will take over, learn to surrender to it because it is so much smarter than your mind. You also may be on the other side of birth and nodding your head at a lot of the above and smiling because you know that all this stuff becomes a distant memory and you have a wonderful child that makes it all worthwhile.
Peace and baby love.
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