Pregnancy and Yoga...not a harmonious union at the moment

A month ago I got two little pink lines on a pregnancy test. After my initial response of "ooooohhhhh f@ck" I have settled right into the idea of having a little peanut (my husband and I like to say that we were practicing but not trying to conceive). The idea of making something in my own body is scary but also totally fascinating. You are what you eat is really coming into play right now.

The problem...I can't eat.

Let me rephrase. I can eat but I am at the mercy of my body to decide what it will accept and what it will reject. More often than not it choses to reject stuff so I spend my days willing myself to eat healthy food and running to the fridge for the tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream just to put some calories in my body so I don't make offerings to the porcelain god. I am proud to say that although I have been close that god has not received any offerings as of yet, there have been a few very close calls but I refuse!

Anyway, I digress. This is about my yoga practice and being pregnant, two things I find don't go harmoniously hand in and as I had hoped.

So I have had a lot of the lovely pregnancy symptoms: sore boobs, relentless nausea, extreme exhaustion (I spend a good 12+ hours chilling in bed relaxing). I managed to do yoga the first week I was pregnant and thought 'this is grand, I can keep doing this'...then week 5 rolled around and I was floored by the influx of hormones.

HOLY CRAP I have felt like an emotional teenager going through puberty in a matter of weeks instead of years. I have so much appreciation for grumpy teens now, it's like hormone poisoning.

So now I am at a point where just the thought of getting on my mat to move is exhausting and when I do manage to get there I give it my all for about 10 minutes (read do a bit of prenatal yoga) and then collapse in a heap ready to cry. I have gone from a strong (inversion, backbend, hot, 3 hours, etc.) practice to a nothing practice and to top it all off I am a teacher. So here I am at the front of class trying to guide my students through their practice and I don't have the energy to demo anything and can't tell them why all of a sudden their teacher is not as enthused as she used to be. So I have taken a step back from my asana practice and started to reevaluate how yoga can play a role in my life. So far Ahimsa (non harming) is playing the biggest roll. I will not harm myself or my unborn child by forcing a physical practice on my body that is too much for me right now. I will not judge myself for having to change my ways or spend many hours in bed, I will be gentle and kind to those around me because the kinder I am to other the kinder I feel towards myself. I have stepped back from teaching until I feel better because I am not of service to myself or others if my heart is not in it and I am not able to practice what I am teaching. So my yoga as of now is kindness, compassion and understanding. In India the practice of yoga does not start with asana (the physical practice), it starts with reflection, meditation and devotion once you have an understanding of those then you start an asana practice. Some of the most amazing yogis do not come to their mat to run their body through a serious of twisted poses, they quietly sit each day and practice the more challenging practice of mental yoga.

So now as my body changes my practice will change and evolve as well and when I come out the other side of this challenging spot of my pregnancy I hope to be more in tune with myself and others in a much deeper level than just the tangible physical. It will make me a more attentive mother and a more compassionate, patient person...I hope. :-)

When life gives you unhulled buckwheat, make flour and cook

Yesterday my friend introduced me to a little organic market that sells produce and other products at a reasonable price. If you live in Australia you know that the discovery of this place is like finding a pink diamond lying in the middle of the street, it just doesn't happen.
So I of course got a little carried away and started buying everything I could carry in my arms. Among the plethora of organic items I picked up some buckwheat thinking that I'd use it to replace rice at dinner or my breakfast porridge. When I got home I noticed that the label said unhulled buckwheat. I opened the package and found cute little kernels that I had no idea how to use.

At first I was discouraged that my dinner and breakfast plans were shot but then I turned to the internet for help. Google: what to do with unhulled buckwheat. Luckily I'm not the first person to make this mistake so there was loads of advice. I decided on attempting to make flour from my mistake. I used my little electric coffee/spice grinder and turned the whole bag of buckwheat into something more user friendly in about 10 minutes. I tried to use my husband's fancy burr coffee grinder but he about lost his mind when he found out what I wanted to do. He's a little delicate about his coffee stuff (I call his espresso machine his girlfriend)

So now that I proudly have a big bag of buckwheat flour that only cost me $2.50 I am ready to spend the day in the kitchen.

This morning started with buckwheat banana pancakes

1 c buckwheat flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

2 eggs
1 c milk
1 tsp heaping cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
2 tbs honey
2 tbs coconut oil
2 medium ripe bananas smashed

mix and make like regular pancakes. I drizzled a bit of honey over the top before I served.

Then in the afternoon I decided to play around with making zucchini bread. I am not patient in the kitchen so I like things that are easy to bake or cook. This invention tastes amazing and was super easy.

1st bowl:
2 c buckwheat flour
1 c almond meal
1 tbs cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking power
3/4 c ground walnuts (even better if you toast them first)

2nd bowl:
1/2 c honey
1/2 c coconut oil
3 eggs

whip up egg mixture and then add to 1st bowl. grate 2 medium zucchinis into the mixture and stir in gently.
pour into muffin or bread tin. I like to use baking paper  or cupcake cups to avoid having to use more fat for nonstick.
bake at 165 C/325 F for 30-45 mins or until tester stick comes out clean from the middle.

So now that you're obsessed with buckwheat here are some of the benefits of it.

1. it's gluten free (not really an issue unless you have a gluten intolerance)
2. high in fiber
3. higher in protein than regular flour (3.8g/serve, contains 8 essential amino acids)
4. doesn't spike blood sugar
5. tastes yummy and can be eaten for breakfast, lunch or dinner (sweet or savory)
6. contains two flavanoids: quercitin, to support healing in the body & rutin, an antioxidant and strengthens the capillaries and circulation

What nutrition means to me

My wonderful husband (and I may be a bit bias but I absolutely adore the man and think he's pretty fabulous) encouraged me to write about what nutrition means to me now before I start my Health Coaching program next month. He though it would be a great way to see how my view of things change or remain the same over the next year.

You might remember that popular Wear Sunscreen song/speech/column by Mary Schmich (1997) but more recognizable though the voice of Kurt Vonnegut in the graduation commencement speech of 1999 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwVVpwBKUp0). When I started to think about all the things I currently believe about nutrition it started to sound a bit like this speech rambling through my head.

So here you go...

Privileged people of the world if there is one thing I can't stress enough it's DRINK ENOUGH WATER. I say privileged because we can turn on the tap and trust the water that comes out enough to put it straight into our body without worry. Invest in a quality water bottle, take it everywhere with you, decorate it, look after it, fill it up every chance you get and sip all day long. From the wise words of Derek Zoolander, "moisture is the essence of wetness and wetness is the essence of beauty."

Learn to love yourself. love your shape, your imperfections, your personality, your passions, your weaknesses and strengths and from that love you will draw to you wonderful people who love themselves just as fully. From that self love you will be a more caring genuine person who people seek out for companionship. This nutrient may not be the kind that you put in your mouth but it will nurture your body just as well if not better than any food. Nutrition is not just what you put in your mouth.

Take the time to learn about food and nutrients and learn how to make at least one complete meal from scratch. Don't be afraid of butter, whole milk,  flour, eggs, cheese, salt and many of the natural foods that go from healthy to unhealthy from year to year. Educate yourself on how these foods can give you the nutrients you need to maintain a happy healthy body and mind. You need fat to exist, a little chocolate can release endorphins, your muscles are protein and you have to eat to feed your physical body. These foods are not bad if you get quality products and eat them responsibly.

Get creative with vegetables as if you're a mom trying to get your kids to eat them. Food does not have to take hours to prepare and does not have to be gourmet. Learn to use your stove, shoot, even your microwave can help you out in a pinch. Just cook for yourself and know what's going onto your plate.

Don't breakup with Ben & Jerry, Nabisco, Dryers, General Mills, Kellogg's, Ruffles, Better Crocker etc. Just have a distant relationship with them like a 3rd cousin twice removed and take a good hard look at why you are drawn to them when you visit each other. Notice the relationship between emotions and foods, you'll be fascinated to see a correlation.

Feed your skin just as well as you feed your stomach. Yes, wear sunscreen but also use natural lotions and play with cutting antiperspirant out of daily routine. If you're mindful you don't eat foods with chemicals so why would you put them on your skin?

Exercise. Walk, run, bend, stretch, jump, make love, do something, anything, every day that gets your heart rate to go up and stay up for 30 minutes. Even better if you do this with a friend because then you're sharing the love of health, connecting with someone and motivating each other to work a little harder.

Find a way to make money doing something that you have a passion for. You don't have to love your job or the people that you work with or for but you spend enough hours of your life earning money to comfortably exist that you really should generally enjoy what you do and have job satisfaction. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you find a way to make it enjoyable because at the end of the day I hope you want to think 'I did my job well and I don't mind that I spent my valuable time doing it.'

Make reasonable goals and don't make drastic changes all at once. We are creatures of habit and need little changes in order to keep on the right path. Again make friends who share the same interest of good health and inspire each other to be creative with holistically finding ways to nourish yourself.

There is so much more that I believe about nutrition but I think these are the primary things that stand out to me.

Institute of Integrative Nutrition...I'm sold

I have grown up in a family where you have made something from yourself with each letter after your name. Being the youngest child I luckily had 3 older sisters who followed the family path and got all sorts of letters, MS, JD, PhD, etc. I followed along for a bit and got my BS in Health Science and then proceeded to not do much with it after I graduated. Now don't get me wrong, I think a college degree is invaluable and everyone who has the opportunity should get one but at 18 I really had no idea what I wanted to do as a career so in order to stay focussed for 5.5 years (yes it took me that long to get my BS because I hopped from school to school and messed up my credits and generally didn't really plan things properly) I decided to go down the path of becoming a physical therapist. After completing my bachelor degree I felt not smart enough, burnt out and totally disinterested with going back to school for another 4 years. Looking at the requirements needed to get into any PT school in California or any state for that matter I was totally discouraged. It was hard to get into a program and it's even harder these days so I can't even imagine what kids are going through with the amount of pressure being heaped upon them to succeed, be social, get good grades, extra curricular activities, etc. It's enough to make me want to put my fingers in my ears, squeeze my eyes shut and sing lalalalalalala as loud as I can because it's just too much. But I digress.

What I really came here to do was sing the praises of a program I just signed up for. For a while I have been pondering spending $5000 for the Institute of Integrative Nutrition's 1 year health coaching program. Mind you I have not started it yet but I have randomly crossed paths with enough students and graduates who rave about it to do a bit of research on the program to see if it would complement my degree and maybe help me to actually use it in a career way. I have always had and interest in health and promoting healthy living and currently do this through teaching yoga but I have wanted to do something more but along the same lines. I have looked at several MS programs and even considered doing another BS in nutrition but every program I looked at felt too clinical and wasn't really looking at the general somewhat healthy population. I have been working my way through the website (http://www.integrativenutrition.com), listening to the introductory lectures (all of which are done by distance learning on your iPhone/ipad/computer and are very easy to listen to), and still researching the program and how I can use this certification in my career path and my own life. Everything I read has sounded amazingly promising. So basically if you have any interest in the food you eat, which I hope you do, your general health, and a fulfilling long life this program can help you open up new doors in your career or just get you more in touch and informed with the lifestyle choices you make for yourself. Take a look, it's worth it.

Hey, even Oprah published advice from health coaches
http://www.oprah.com/health/The-Best-Advice-from-Health-Coaches/

Contrary to what I thought the world did not end today

After 86 years of life my wonderful father shuffled off this mortal coil this evening. Being the much younger child of older parents I knew that this monumentally sad moment would come into my life when I felt I was too young, too weak, too immature, and just plain not ready for it to happen. I luckily had some warning after begging my sisters and mother to promise to keep me fully informed of his health after losing a close family friend with no notice because my family tried to protect me and how agonizing it was to go from happy to heart broken in the matter of seconds because I hadn't had a chance to say goodbye. What I forgot to do was ask my dad to be open and honest with me and the man who has been a rock in my life slowly and quietly crumbled and didn't want to be a bother so he didn't say anything to anyone until he felt positively terrible. It breaks my heart but the things that bring me out of the darkness to enjoy a smile here and there is that he was independent until a week ago, spoke to his family on a daily basis, drove his car, lived at home, went to work (he owned his business), had his life in order even as his body and mind started to fall apart, and made sure his family knew how much he cared about them.

I am sad that I was not there to hold his hand, kiss his forehead and tell him how much he means to me but my wonderful sister did all those beautiful things and she is so brave and loving and was the best person to be there as he left his tired old body for something I can only imagine is phenomenally better. I can only hope that when my time comes I get to go in exactly the same way, quickly, surrounded by love and at a ripe old age after living a full long life. 

The roller coaster of emotions goes from relief to deep sadness to anxiety to laughing to my breathe being ripped from my body and everything in-between in a matter of minutes.

I miss him

Update: Not more than a week after he passed I fell pregnant with my beautiful little girl. It has now been just over a year since he passed and I gave birth in May. I look at this little girl and would give anything for her to meet her grandfather but want to believe that his spirit may have found its way into her life. Life is a strange thing and emotions are tricky little sprites that play around with you. Just when you think everything is under control and you feel like you have your emotional ducks in a row something small pulls you right back into that moment when you got the call saying your father, your rock, the man you looked up to, was no longer just a phone call away. But in that you are reminded to do for your daughter all those wonderful things that that man did for you so that you can honor and remember him and share his memory.

The low-down on permeate and milk

I know that this isn't directly related to yoga but through my asana practice I have found a greater awareness of my body and my desire to keep it in tiptop shape by feeding it the best food I can find and afford has recently made me aware of the milk additive permeate. I knew that cheaper milk had 'fillers' but I didn't pay much attention to it until I purchased some organic milk recently that had a big sticker on it stating 'permeate free'.  I got curious about this "permeate" stuff and what it has to do with my milk...that's when I went down the internet wormhole.

I started by searching wikipedia because I figured it was probably the most unbiased place to start (correct me if I'm wrong). Amazingly there isn't a milk permeate page yet and if I wasn't so lazy I might start one. Anyway, from there I googled milk permeate and started reading article after article after article. Some tried to justify it (I assume they were written by people in the supermarket or milk production industry) and some were totally against it (I assume written by the dairy farmers and health nuts).

that watery yellow/green stuff is permeate

For those who don't know, permeate is made when whole milk is filtered through a fine 'sieve' using a  technique called ultra-filtration.  This filtering separates the lactose (also called milk sugar), the vitamins and the minerals left over from the milk protein and fat during the cheese making process. You might recognize it in another form. You know when you open a container of yogurt and you see the watery stuff on top? It's often called whey, a protein rich form of permeate that we often find in protein powders. By the way, don't poor this out, it's natural and you're losing the important protein of your yogurt. However the permeate that they are adding to your milk is not protein rich and is often called by other names that might be more widely recognized. It can be labeled deproteinized whey, dairy product solids, modified whey or reduced protein whey. Just a little something to look for on labels...if it's included in the ingredients list. But if you're looking on the back of your milk carton all you're going to see is milk. This is what I find so alarming. Yes, permeate is a dairy byproduct but the milk straight from the cow does not contain and extra 12% of this watery substance and I think milk companies should be required to put on the label if they have added anything, even if it's vitamins or minerals, and especially if it's a cheaper watered down milk byproduct.

The process of making and using permeate

So here are the pros and cons that I have pulled out of the many articles I have found.


Pros: It's not bad for you because it is technically natural and derived from milk. It costs less than milk straight from the cow so when added it actually brings down the cost of milk and can make milk more affordable to everyone and if you're not lactose intolerant milk is a pretty wonderful source of important nutrients. It ensures that from carton to carton your milk is going to taste the same because it's a way of standardizing the quality and nutrient content of the milk since this can change depending on the breed of cow and what the cow is eating. It eliminates the need to dispose of permeate which is usually a waste byproduct and is factories are required to dispose of it properly and can not just dump it down the drain.


Cons: It makes milk contain less protein. Milk producers are not required to put the addition of permeate on the label and can be up to as much as 16% of your milk is added permeate. It dilutes the flavor so the milk is not as creamy. For cafes and coffee connoisseurs it does not froth as easily due to the lower protein content (yes, I know this is a first world problem). Aside from milk producers not having to put it on the label the biggest concern is that dairy farmers are losing business because it is about 60% cheaper to the milk producers to add permeate to their product than to use whole milk. I mentioned this in the pros section because it makes milk more affordable but it means that large chain supermarkets like Coles and Woolworth's can make their home brand milk very cheap at the cost of the diary farmers.


I will admit that I have not done years of research and my facts have come form reading articles found on the internet but I am happy to have a better understanding of what the 'permeate free' sticker on my milk really means. I won't turn my nose up at a latte from my local cafe but I think I will continue to purchase my organic permeate free milk because it honestly tastes better and makes a damn good cappuccino. If I happen to help local organic farmers then I'm happy to do that as well. If it sounds like I don't care about the permeate waste product and its disposal well I'm happy to report that it is often dehydrated and used in baking mixes and other baked goods so it's not entirely going to waste.


Now you know.

It's going to be great...and it was

This past 6 days I have been fully immersed in a teacher training. I originally completed my teacher training 2 years ago but one of the studios where I teach, Preshana Yoga, is awesome at bringing wonderful teachers over from the US. This teacher training lead by Christina Sell, although intended for people wanting to become teachers, was amazing.
We spent the first 3 days just doing intensive asana. Every day started with 3.5 hours of strong asana before lunch and ended with 2.5 hours of more mellow restorative and deeper stretches after lunch. The last 3 days was actual intensive teacher training and although we only had 3 days to pack in a lot of information Christina was so amazingly clear that we managed to learn more than I originally learned in several months of teacher training.
Her gift for clarity of teaching while still being able to deliver powerful lessons with deep insightfulness and detail lead me to learn more deeply about what it means to be a teacher, how to guide my students and how to impart the philosophy and meaning behind the asana without sounding, in her words, weird. The more I learn the more I come to see that teaching yoga can be so much more than asana while still being a physical asana practice.

The things that stuck out in my mind as truly valuable were

verb + body part + direction (+ a heart quality)
ie. Step your right foot back (with intention)
bow your head to your heart (with humility)

I know it sounds like common sense but I have a way of trying to reinvent the wheel when I'm teaching and I now have an appreciation for just clearly saying what I mean so that my students can feel their body in as clear a way as possible.

I also learned more about how some of the poses came to be and what hindu stories they arose from.

And a different way to sequence my poses that opens the body up but is a little different than how I usually teach. Light on Yoga is a brilliant book and I can't believe I didn't use it more in the past. Like Christina, BKS Iyengar has a way of just saying simply how to get your body into an asana. It's not necessary to be all fluffy and flowery about moving the body, drop that stuff in when the student is already in the pose or in the introduction or closing of the class. Be clear so that your students can find their own clarity.

I am so appreciative for the time I had for this training and to have been able to teach while I was taking it to try out my new skills. I highly recommend any trainings with Christina Sell, It's going to be great.

("It's going to be great" is her favorite quote and although it usually precedes a challenging pose she is almost always right. When you make a shape with your body, especially a challenging one, and you really feel the alignment and power then is it great, it's f-ing fantastic!)

A step in the forward direction

For the next 6 days I am in a yoga teacher training with Christina Sell. That pint sized woman holds so much inspiration and knowledge that I found myself walking out of the first day of training wanting to be creative. Create what, I have no idea but I felt the immense desire to do and make stuff. It made me think of a little story she told while we were holding one of the many deep warrior poses and focussing like we had never focussed before. She told of a teacher in India who was telling his students the difference between himself and them. Basically it came down to his body being in a million pieces and his mind being in one vs. his students whose bodies were in one piece and their minds in a million. So physically he was able to move each part of his body separately from another while keeping his mind totally focussed while his students had bodies that didn't manipulate as easily but their minds were in a million places at once. This little lesson landed when the creative bug hit and I had no idea where I wanted to focus the energy. And when I say I am all over the place believe me, I'm all over the place. My latest interests are yoga and teaching (as always), nutrition, cooking (by the way, I hate cooking and not sure why I am all of a sudden interested in it), making jewelry, making my home more comfortable to live in, planning a vacation (I just got back from one and I'm not sure where this vacation money is going to come from), meditation (at the moment I've made it as far as thinning about starting a regular meditation practice), read about 10 books that I've purchased for self betterment and blogging. So basically my mind is in a million pieces and aside from writing this post and being in the midst of a teacher training nothing else on the list has moved from the creative todo list into being.

So I'm hoping starting this blog is different from the other blogs of started, yes, there is more than one failed attempt I'm not known for my followthrough. I'm hoping that this becomes a place to share the culmination of the scattered mind into something at least a bit more focussed and maybe being able to get the creative energy to be a bit more productive. My husband loves to make fun of me when I drink coffee. He says I get all this energy but all I can manage to do with it is sit and vibrate at a high frequency. This is exactly how I'm feeling right now. I have so much potential and I'm not quite sure how to focussed the energy into anything useful. 

So for the rest of this weekend and next week I am going to take all this energy and just focus it on my teacher training. All the other stuff on my todo list can wait until next week, or even next month. Just making that commitment to focus on one thing is liberating. That yoga teacher in India is really on to something, imagine that!

If you want a little more inspiration on how to get back on the productive track here's a little something I found.

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/how-to-turn-around-unproductive-day/ 

How did we ever get anything done before the internet, and how do we ever get anything done since the internet. It's a vast library of information that draws us into a time sucking black hole. 

I imagine this is what my mind looks likes. It has a bit of organization and direction but it looks a bit crazy.

Stay tuned.

xx

Casey